there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
