We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I need water and some morals
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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