I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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