I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
