Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
