Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
