like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
