I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
