Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he high fived his dick after we had sex
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
