wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
