just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
