you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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