Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
handjob tips. give me some.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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