Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
