I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
