using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
