I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
