her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
