You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
