Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
