i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
