There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
