every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
