don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
