This is not my ceiling
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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