i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Randomize
