I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
