You're so nebulous sometimes
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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