There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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