Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
