she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
