he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
