I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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