i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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