ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize