just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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