Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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