She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
