you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
