I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
