he wants to bone in the snuggie
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
