i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
send nudes
from the living room?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize