went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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