D3 body, D1 cock
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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