I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize