I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
