There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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