Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
