I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
