you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am mentally ready for anal.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
