Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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