Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
