im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize