we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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