So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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