Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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