theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I checked into jail on foursquare
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
