It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize