Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
