My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
