I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
