While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
