Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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