don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
