i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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