my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize