I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
