I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
