brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Alive.
So much puke
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
